Here’s how drunk Father Christmas will get in Dacorum if everybody leaves him a sherry

How drunk will Santa get in Dacorum if everyone leaves him a sherry?

Wednesday, 16th December 2020, 2:24 pm
Updated Wednesday, 16th December 2020, 2:28 pm

We’re all prone to overindulgence at Christmas time, whether it be stuffing ourselves silly with turkey, chocolate or, for many of us, alcohol.

But there is one jolly old fellow among us who is set for a very merry festive period indeed – we’re talking of course about Father Christmas.

Boys and girls in the UK traditionally leave out a mince pie and a glass of sherry to help their favourite gift-giver through his delivery shift.

How much will Santa drink on his travels in England?

Thanks to the The JPI Media Data Unit and their scientific calculations, we are able to see how much booze Father Christmas will consume on his trip to Dacorum.

How many sherries will Santa drink?

Office for National Statistics figures show there are an estimated 19,446 households with children in Dacorum.

If every one of those left him a standard 50ml glass of sherry, old Kris Kringle will make his way through an average of 16,378 units of alcohol as he travels around the nation’s homes.

How much sherry will Santa drink this Christmas? (C) Shutterstock

That’s based on the average 17% strength of more than 30 different kinds of sherry being sold in the big four supermarkets of Asda, Tesco, Sainsbury’s and Morrisons right now – we told you this was scientific.

To give an idea of what a Herculean task this would be, that’s 1,170times more than Santa’s recommended weekly limit of 14 units.

If everybody left him the strongest type of sherry – 20% ABV – he would consume a whopping 19,446 units.

How much are we really talking?

All those glasses of sherry together would equate to 972,300 millilitres of booze, or 325,100 litres.

To put that into context, that’s about 12.2 average sized bathtubs full of fortified wine.

According to the NHS Give Blood website, the average human body holds about 10 pints of blood, or 5.7 litres.

That means the very super-human Father Christmas will have consumed an amount of sherry equal to 174 times as much blood as is currently coursing through your veins by the time you wake up on Christmas morning.

Is Santa safe to drive?

The short answer, of course, is absolutely not – but let’s work out the long answer.

Given Santa’s famously portly appearance, we are going to assume he is 5ft 10, and weighs 15 stone – this would put his BMI just on the cusp of the obese range.

We can calculate Santa’s blood alcohol content based on his weight, and the hours since his last drink.

Let’s also assume he spends five hours delivering presents, between 11pm and 4am. If he spent all that time in Dacorum alone, he would be 256times over the drink drive limit by the time he drained the last drop of sherry.

And that’s forgetting all the other children he has to visit across the country.

Hopefully Rudolph’s navigation skills are up to scratch, as we doubt Santa will be much use finding his way home after a session like that. What a champ!